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Hubbies Acting a Little Funny?
Ok. This does not include all the father’s-to-be, so requesting the beautiful pregnant ladies reading this blog, please do not lose perspective and start becoming judgmental about the poor men in your house. But since we have seen ‘funny-hubby syndrome’ to be a common trend amongst hubbies across the globe, we thought of putting it down on scrolls.
So your hubby is all so excited about the pregnancy. Takes you shopping and brings flowers and gifts for the first few days or maybe weeks, but you feel that slowly down the line, he is in some fashion retreating from you. Losing interest maybe? You get a constant ‘something wrong’ feeling. He sulks and throws tantrum in a manner quiet contrary to his usual self. He stays back late at work, spends more time with the TV, laptop, and mobile phone and forgets the daily kiss routine before leaving for work in the morning. There is a general aloofness in his dealing with you.
Believe it or not, during pregnancy, husbands go through almost similar kinds of hormonal changes like a pregnant woman. The medical term for it is Couvade. While there are extreme symptoms like nausea and cravings just like in pregnancy, others have milder ones like mood swings and rejection. Since generally people are not aware of it, they fail to recognise the funny symptoms.
Psychologists says that throughout the pregnancy a pregnant woman and everybody around the pregnant woman are so involved with her that the hubby feels neglected. The extra thrust of the ‘feeling-neglected’ is enforced by the hormonal changes. While he was used to being the centre of her attention the sudden pivotal change in her attention focus throws him off guard. He tries various methods to bring the limelight back on him. But again, since he is acting under the influence of hormones, he is often not aware of the things that he is doing.
If the husband concerned is by nature a sensitive person, the couvade syndrome is much likely to take over. He might wail with the feeling of guilt at his wife’s condition or regret at the decision of pregnancy itself! A little knowledge of this lesser known syndrome will go a long way in rescuing a bad moment.
Yes! Yes! Yes! It’s more common than you think. While most of us would want to believe that it must be someone else’s hubby who cheats, not my sweet little, sloppy, dopy, fatso darling, think again. Research says that most men cheats on their wives during their pregnancy. The idea of reinforcing this theory is not to throw you ladies on the other side of trust, but let’s say it’s a little bit of fine tuning that we must all do in order to try and avoid that.
So am I suggesting that it can be prevented?
While there may be some men who are naturally inclined to such flirtatious nature, it has been found that men least likely to cheat on their wives land up doing exactly so during their pregnancy. If you can judge your man right you will be able to decide if he is a natural wanderer or the idea of cheating just does not sit comfortably in him. So if it’s your pregnancy that making him do so, think.
The Quintessential Sex
Ok. So let’s talk about it. We all know that sex is a little uncomfortable during pregnancy. Gynaecologist advises pregnant women to refrain from sex during the first semester. But post that period, when the foetus is safe in the womb, sex is supposed to be fine. But I always had this discomfort in my head when it came to sex during pregnancy. ‘What if I hurt my baby?’ ruled my senses and I could never sync in to the act. But having said so, it does not mean that all other modes of satisfying each other should be shut down too. Maybe we are not comfortable with intercourse, but that should not stop us from touching each other sexually and giving in to the moment’s emotions. It will actually do more good than harm because a satisfying sexual interaction will pump in the all so essential happy hormones into the system that is healthy for the to-be mother and the healthy growth of the foetus.
A male friend who confided in me that he did cheat on his wife during her pregnancy said that “it’s only that many number of times that one can take being pushed away. It’s not just about sex. She retreated completely.”
I believe it might be a good idea if we sit back and think. “Are we completely self-consumed in our situation?” Yes, pregnancy is a unique feeling and the high that we ride on is absolutely wonderful, but we should not stop being a wife at the same time. He needs our love and attention and we too want them beside us during this beautiful moment.
I always believed that some special moments are to be shared with some special people, and to share my pregnancy, I need my hubby.
Talk and Pull Him In
Get him to participate in the pregnancy. Pull him into the loop. Remember that the baby within you is his baby too and he needs to be involved in every step of it all throughout the nine months, during delivery and way beyond. Psychologist say that once the pregnancy happens, the woman has the tendency to grasp in so tightly within herself that she cuts the husband out in the process. And then she expects him to be there. And then freaks out when he is not. Do not do that. Let him in. Talk to him. Share with him how the baby feels inside you. Let him feel your changed body. Tell him that without his help it would have been very difficult for you.
Even if we think that we know everything that is there to know about pregnancy and then there are people around to help, go for those couple counselling sessions. There is always something new, something innovative and matched up with the need of the hour to know about. Huge number of couples have confessed that those counselling sessions have been immensely helpful.
We did not go for counselling. We thought we knew, and was prepared. I was lost in the dream of a pink or a blue bundle of joy that will soon adorn my arms and make life beautiful. Well, I was in for a shock! To begin with, even though I was aware of the physical pain involved, I was poorly prepared for it. No one explained to me effectively for me to sync in with the idea that with all the pain and discomfort involved during pregnancy, try to push it in the background and focus on enjoying the moment, to make memories, and click photographs! After all, pregnancy is a one time or at best twice a life phenomenon. The physical pain is forgotten. But memories remain for ever. The bundle of joy pissed, cried, puked, shat and slopped all over me all day and all hours of the night all through the first year. It farted loud and clear. I never slept.Then to deal with the periodical vaccination, the regular cough, cold fever and unnecessary tantrums. I just failed to feel the ‘joy’ in my bundle of joy! A good counselling session takes care of all that and effectively prepares the both of you for the coming change in your life.
Lastly, be a mom, but do not forget the women in you. Be patient with your husband and slowly get him acclimatised with the pregnancy. For all you know, the poor fellow wants to help, but has no clue how to go about it. Let him fuss over you and pick a few awkward dresses for you. Let him take you out for lunch. Let him shop for the coming baby, buy a crib, a pair of socks, a few maternity clothes and do not criticize. Remember, even if he does not voice it with so many words, you and your baby is the world to him!